When She Was There
by Ryan M Prower
Summary: A collection of stories, unrelated to each other. Moments with a lover...
1. When She Was There

It was a nice night when I got home. The wind blowing through my fur while the clouds overhead were polite enough to let me into my home before they started showering the earth. The patter was the only things I heard, it was a musical rhythm that I did not want to disturb. The room was dark, slightly illuminated from the street lights outside. I started to take off my uniform, putting almost everything on the hat stand except my white shirt and black cargo pants. The usual ritual started, taking apart my weapons, doing maintenance on them so they wouldn't fail me as much when I needed them. It was a slow process, but enjoying every second, getting lost in my mind while focusing on cleaning my rifle to the last detail. The weight that burdened me, the heavy thoughts that filled my head with a guilt indescribable, everything I have done feeling so wrong; it all dampened a bit when I focused on something else.  
When I was done, I left the rifle leaning against the wall, unloaded and cocking it half way. My revolver was left, so the process started again. I didn't know I was making a lot of noise until Jennie came out from our room.  
"You know, it not polite waking someone in the middle of the night," she told me with playful sarcasm in her voice, I gave her my signature smirk and continued finishing my chore. She rubbed her eyes and yawned as she sat on the recliner we had. She looked at me finish dully, then she started to examine her nails," 'Oh, I'm sorry sweetie; I didn't mean to wake you. I've missed you so much, come over here and give me a kiss,'" she mocked my voice. I giggled a little from her reaction of waking her up. I placed the revolver on top of the cabinet, and headed to the recliner. She made sure she was covering all the space on it so I sat on top of her, using my hands on the armrest to not put all my weight on her. She squacked but she still wouldn't give up, so I started putting more of my weight on her. "Alright, alright, you win!" she tried to say out loud but only came as a whisper. I got off her and we traded spots, though she put all her weight on mine. It wasn't enough to bother me, and that alone made her pout. "Cheater…" I let out a small laugh at her retort, and started to stroke her head.  
We were like this for a few minutes until she suddenly sat up right and sat on my lap, looking at me. "So, how was work, honey?" The sweetness in her voice washed over me and almost made me forget my actions. It wasn't smart for me to recall my work, one week on and one week off. We were soldiers, checking in and out. So why didn't I just run away, get out of duty like many others that have in the past. It wall rushed through my mind, flashbacks playing as I see myself blowing peoples head off with one shot while I would laugh quietly to myself as I see them panic, trying to spot me. Then it went to seeing my comrades dying from an opposing force, being overrun, executed, captured while I in a building in the sidelines, being helpless and seeing it all happen. One shot would be all it would take to spot me.  
"Ryan?"  
I snapped back to the present on hearing my name. My heart was beating fast and sweat was falling from my forehead. I was sure my eyes showed fear and panic while grinding my teeth, showing my canines at her. But it all vanished, seeing her beautiful face, her existence. Seeing her answered my question, I was coming back into the battlefield and experiencing its horrors for her, to protect her, to hold the primates at bay and repelling the massacres they have showed they are capable of. My expression changed back to the calmness that I came home with.  
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" I asked her, feeling my heart swell and blocking all other emotions. Her expression changed too, from a playful one to a softer, caring one. "It was one of those days then…" She placed her hand on my chest, and it felt like everything that was ever wrong did not exists. The only thing that mattered, the only thing that I could think about; was her," Jennie…" Yet it wasn't enough, to stop the madness, the darkness from flooding back into my mind. The moment of clarity made me lose my guard and the cold wave hit my mind; my calm expression broke and again, my eyes reflected pure fear. But she leaned in, resting her head on my chest; I wanted her, I needed her. I could finally sleep; I could finally think straight, the madness was gone…

"Don't worry; I'll be right here," she began to get comfortable as we both started to drift off to sleep," always…"  
The house was right in the heart of the heavy storm, lightening flashed and everything went dark but a single streetlight that was barley a glow in the room. And with that, we both drifted off to sleep.


	2. Val

"She was everything to me…"  
"There was nothing you could really do, they were everywhere and-"  
"I brought her here, it's my all fault." Ryan held her, limp body. Her eyes had long been closed and all her warmth had been drained hours ago. The battle was over, nothing was coming for them now.  
"We've been here for hours, man; we gotta get going."  
"I'm not going anywhere… I'm not leaving her."  
Mark stepped closer to see Ryan's face. He had to stare for a while to comprehend. Ryan had no emotion on his face, only a plain look of his face, as if he were calm. Non-the-less, his pupils were mixed with black and light blue, something Mark had never seen happen to Ryan.  
He started to step back, and scavenge the battlefield for anything useful. Meanwhile, Ryan kept starring into her once joyful face. Her smooth grey hair and her starless night sky eyes… all life less. Ryan took out a handkerchief, wet it with a bit of water, and started to clean her blood stained fur. It was agony for him. Everywhere he went, anyone he cared about, anyone he loved; all die in front of his eyes; like a curse that reminds him that he will never be happy and was destined to be alone.  
"You know Val, we could've been an awesome team… you know? You always had my back," Ryan kept wiping while looking at her eyelids," and I would always try to cover yours." The side of the handkerchief was getting dirty. He switched it towards another corner and wet it again, wanting to clear her face of any remaining blood. "Do you remember that one time when I accidently pocked you in the ribs and you jumped so high, you practically made a hole on the ceiling? And afterwards you were chasing me around, wanting to smack the living shit out of me? Heh, that really beats any way I've met someone, literally."  
"And then there was that other time I was teasing you and I finally got you angry enough to chase me around. I looked behind me and there you were. I tripped and fell on my back and you came tumbling right after me. I luckily broke your fall and I knew I was going to get it, but when you finally lifted your head up after a while… and I saw your beautiful, black eyes, I was hypnotized. Of course, I only looked to you as a beat friend when that happened, and I didn't know what I felt was something other than trust, but on that day, I swore that I would give my life to save yours."  
Ryan's face was still expressionless when a tear started to roll down his cheek. "And here you are, dead like Kyle, Beck, and Todd. Now that I look back, I think I did love you... but I'm glad I didn't know it. It would have been harder for me to move on." Ryan unlatched Val's neck chain and took off the hanging little penguin on it. He added it to his chain and put hers back.  
"Yo, Ryan, I got something that might cheer you up, incendiary penetrating bullets, for that crappy old assault rifle of yours." Mark tossed four magazines at Ryan. He caught them and stashed them in his tactical belt. "I'll always have you with me Val, and I swear to you I will avenge you," Ryan whispered to Val. He slowly set her head on the ground and moved her bangs to how she liked them.  
"Where's the next encampment?"  
"Three clicks that way," Mark was pointing up towards the mountain. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"  
"Yeah… but I'll definitely feel it later." And with that, they both started to climb up the mountain.


	3. Jen

The tapping on the window intensified as the night moved on and the black clouds moved in. Ryan sat on the bed next to the window in a hospital.  
"She's still alive. She'll be alright, I know it," he repeated to himself.  
He sat there and started to ponder at everything like he always did. Why was he always the unfortunate one, he would always think. Certainly the universe was out to get him, no matter what. He looked out the window again, it was pitch black except for few lights outside the building were weak. The nurse walked in and went to check on her.  
"Tell me nurse, will she be alright?"  
The nurse didn't say anything. All she did was close her eyes and give a moment of silence. She looked at Ryan with sympathetic eyes and gave a light smile. "She'll be alright. And you need some rest, would you like a blanket and a pillow?" she asked.  
"Yes, if you would ever be so kind."  
The nurse smiled once again at him and she started to head outside the door. He looked back out the window and sighed. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have done it. I should've listened to her." He looked back at his beloved jewel, the most valuable thing in his life. Her hair was frizzled and un-neat, the bandage around her waist was bloody from the left side, her jeans were dirty and smelled of rotten meat and filthy mud. Ryan didn't care, he wanted to spend every last second of his life with her.  
He walked up to her and started to stroke her hair. "It's all my fault," he sobered," I should have listened to you… and now… because of me… you're like this… all because of me…" Ryan stroked her hair again and again, as comforting and as gentle as he could. "Please don't leave me… please don't leave me in this god forsaken world…"  
At that moment, she started to squirm a little on the bed. He smiled as he saw her started to gain consciousness. "Jennie?" he called to her. She slowly opened her eyes. At first her vision was fuzzy, but her eyes slowly started to get used to the light. "Jennie? Oh thank god…" he lunged towards her and gave her a tight hug. "You were right… you were right…" was all he could say in mumbled sobers.  
"Ryan," she called out as she placed a hand on his cheeks," Ryan, look at me. I don't have much time and…"  
"Please… I beg you… don't say that. You're going to pull through, alright?" He grabbed her other hand tightened it up with his other two.  
She smiled a little," Ryan, we both know I'm not going to-"  
"Yes you are!" he yelled at her, a river of tears started to fall down his cheeks. "Please.. Jen…"  
"Ryan, I love you, with all my heart. I always did, and I always will." Her pulse started to increase, the beeping of the machine intensified. Ryan manically looked at the monitor, he began to cry harder. Grinding his teeth, he looked from his beloved Jennie to the monitor and back again.  
"Ryan, I love you… and don't blame yourself for this… it was all my fault."  
"No! It was mine! It was all mine! Because of MY idiotic actions, you're here! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" He screamed and screamed frantically, thinking that if he confessed it more and more, everything would get better. But it didn't.  
"Ryan, don't blame yourself for this, please don't." She looked into his eyes, both of them full of tears. Jen's heart rate became faster and faster by the second. With all the strength she had left, she pulled her self up kissed him. They both closed their eyes and savored the moment. She opened hers and mentally smiled. She loved him with all her heart, and now she had to leave him. She broke the kiss, too weak to keep herself up. Ryan chased after her lips, but stopped himself. Once again, they locked eyes and she smiled at him.  
"Ryan, I love you, I will always love you…  
"No, please don't…"  
"But you have to move on… for both of us…"  
"No, no, no ,no, please, Jen…"  
The room filled with a flat and continuous beep.  
"Goodbye Ryan…" she took one last breathe and her hand went limp on his hand.  
"No. No! NO! JEN PLEASE! DOCTOR! I NEED A DOCTOR!" he frantically shouted towards the door. A few moments later, a doctor and two nurses rushed in with a cart and a device placed on top of it. Ryan quickly stepped backwards, out of the way. He frantically looked as medics hurried to get the defibrillator ready.  
"Clear!" Jen's body jumped as 200 jolts entered her body. The monitor gave a spike, but imminently flat lined.  
"Clear!" 300 jolts, nothing. "Clear!" 360, nothing. The doctor gave a nod to the nurse, she intesnsified it to 400 jolts. "Clear!" The beeping started again. Ryan looked up from his hands, his face drenched with tears. He gave a wide smile.  
-deeeeee-  
Ryan's smile disappeared instantly. The doctor sighed and nodded horizontally "Time?"  
" Eleven twenty-seven PM. March twenty-two, two thousand nineteen."  
Ryan fell to his knees and caught himself with his hands before his whole body fell on the floor. "I'm sorry mister v… but your wife is no longer with us." And with that, the doctor and nurses wheeled away the chart. Ryan didn't bother to look; he could hear the footsteps walking out of the room. He was staring at the floor, mouth gaped open and tears rolling down his cheeks. He quickly got up and looked at her. All emotion had drained from her smooth, beautiful face. He reached out and gently touched her cheek. Of course she was still warm… but Ryan only felt cold. Chills ran down his spine as he absorbed what he saw. His heart, his meaning of life, his motivation, the only person he trusted in the world, the only person that knew him more than he did… was gone.  
"NO! JEEEN! NO! PLEASE!" he banged onto the table holding the lamp," JEN, PLEASE! COME BACK! I BEG YOU, COME BACK!" He fell to his knees as the lamp from the end table crashed onto the floor. He kneeled, still banging onto the table as he did so. He laid his head onto her stomach and put his hands across her.  
He sobbed onto her wet T shirt, remembering all the times they'd spent together. All of that time, living together. Both of them on the couch watching tv, as she, like always, offered him to set his head on her lap. She would stroke his hair and Ryan would quickly forget about all the bad things that happened to him in his hard day at work. He always felt at peace with her, always forgetting about the bad things just by thinking of her.  
He continuously banged the table until he was out of strength. Tears made the shirt wetter and wetter. Finally, after three hours, he finally cried himself to sleep on the floor.


End file.
